5 Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem and Build Self Confidence

Self-esteem can feel like a rollercoaster—some days you’re on top of the world, and other days, self-doubt creeps in like an unexpected Texas storm. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not good enough, comparing yourself to others on social media, or struggling to shake that inner critic, you’re not alone. Here in Houston, where everything is bigger (including expectations), it’s easy to feel like you should always be doing more. But the truth is, self-esteem isn’t about perfection—it’s about self-acceptance.
As a therapist, I see so many people who struggle with self-worth, often holding themselves to impossible standards. The good news? Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you can build. Just like strengthening a muscle, self-esteem grows with practice. Here are five steps to help you boost your self-esteem and start feeling more secure in who you are.
Challenge Your Inner Critic: Change the Script in Your Head
If you talked to your friends the way you talk to yourself, would they still be your friends? Many of us have an internal voice that’s quick to criticize and slow to praise. That voice might say things like, “You’re not good enough” or “You’ll never succeed”—but here’s the thing: thoughts aren’t facts.
Start paying attention to your self-talk. If your inner critic is getting loud, challenge it the way you would an exaggerated news story. Would you believe everything a random stranger says on the internet? Probably not. So why believe every negative thought that pops into your head? Instead, try reframing your thoughts. Instead of “I always mess up,” say “I make mistakes sometimes, but I’m learning.” Small shifts in how you speak to yourself can have a big impact over time.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Social Media is Not Real Life
It’s easy to look at someone’s Instagram feed and assume they have it all together—perfect vacations, flawless selfies, career success. But let’s be real: social media is a highlight reel, not reality. You don’t see the bad days, the self-doubt, or the dozens of outtakes before that one perfect picture made it online.
If comparing yourself to others is bringing you down, take a social media break or unfollow accounts that make you feel worse. Focus on your own journey. Your worth isn’t determined by likes, follows, or someone else’s filtered life. The real magic happens offline, in the moments of growth, learning, and self-acceptance.
Set Small, Achievable Goals: Success Builds Confidence
One of the best ways to build self-esteem is to set and achieve small goals. When you accomplish something—even something tiny—it reinforces the belief that you’re capable. Maybe you want to start working out, but hitting the gym five days a week feels overwhelming. Instead, start with a short walk around Buffalo Bayou or a yoga class once a week.
When you set goals that are realistic and achievable, you build momentum. It’s like a confidence snowball—small wins lead to bigger ones. Give yourself credit for progress, no matter how small. Every step forward counts.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Energy is Contagious
You know that saying, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”? There’s truth to it. If you’re constantly around people who criticize, drain, or belittle you, it’s going to be tough to feel good about yourself. On the flip side, if you’re surrounded by people who lift you up, support your growth, and remind you of your strengths, your self-esteem will naturally rise.
Take a look at your social circle. Do the people around you make you feel valued and respected? If not, it might be time to set boundaries or seek out new connections. Houston is full of supportive communities—from local meetups to fitness groups to creative workshops. Finding people who bring out the best in you is a game-changer.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be as Kind to Yourself as You Are to Others
If you mess up at work, make a mistake, or fall short of a goal, what’s your first reaction? Many people are their own worst critics, but beating yourself up won’t help you improve—it just keeps you stuck. Instead, practice self-compassion.
Think about how you’d talk to a friend who’s going through the same situation. Would you call them a failure, or would you remind them that everyone makes mistakes and they still have value? Try treating yourself with that same kindness. Self-compassion isn’t about making excuses; it’s about recognizing that you’re human. You’re a work in progress, and that’s okay.
Building self-esteem isn’t about waking up one day and suddenly feeling 100% confident. It’s a process—one that involves challenging negative thoughts, setting goals, surrounding yourself with the right people, and practicing self-compassion. There will be good days and bad days, but what matters is that you keep moving forward.
If low self-esteem is something you struggle with, therapy can help. Together, we can work on breaking old patterns, building confidence, and learning to see yourself in a kinder, more realistic light. Because at the end of the day, you deserve to feel good about who you are—just as you are.
Ready to start your journey to greater self-esteem? Let’s talk. Book a session today and take the first step toward a more confident you!
Written by Antonio Wilson, LPC Associate, Supervised by Jenai Tidwell, LPC Supervisor